Monday, October 15, 2007

Mental Breakdown or Sudden Clarity

Today's post will be in blue cause I am feeling a bit melancholy. It has been raining here for the past 3 days, kind of matching my mood. I am not a worrier or a pessimist but today I cannot shake this pissy mood I am in.

I no longer drive my minivan and I traded my Lumina (no hating on the Lumina) I went out by myself and bought me a 2000 Ford Explorer XLS. Love it!! It came with pretty much all the extras and remote start. This is my new baby.

I have drifted back toward my natural hair color, I say drifted but my mom thinks it is still to dark I can gaurentee that unless I am drunk at the salon my hair will never be that blond again. I like the brown I tried and got some pretty white highlights but that is as far blond as I am going. I really did like it red but hey we all need change and the red is hard to maintain and I am lazy!!

I made the choice to have my surgery and my husband is pissed. I am interrupting his schedule with work and I do not care. He can be pissed a few weeks of having to do his own shit and take care of HIS children is alot easier than having to do it for a lifetime if I am dead. I cannot take the chance that my children would have to depend on him for their future happiness. I have put the surgery off since May when it was originally scheduled. I am grateful I did because I had an epiphany about what I want in life and this is not it. Who gets mad at someone for taking care of themselves? I need to address his issues very soon.

I had planned on snowboarding and skiing this winter but that is not happening due to the surgery. I will not be able to do any activity where I could fall, be bumped hard or turn fast. It is due to I will only have maybe 6, 1-2 inch cuts on my tummy but I will have hundreds of internal stitches. The internal stitches is the problem I am having a major artery cauterized and numerous blood vessels sealed there is a very real chance of rupturing something while boarding. Fucking Sucks that I will have to watch and not play. I was not able to go last winter except once because I was sick from the medications. I think that is bothering me alot today. I can feel the bite in the air and my brain knows that cold & snow=fun for me . I hate being cold but I love to play in the snow.

I also received a list of stuff I am not allowed to do post op. Some are great and some just plain suck. I am not one for limitations or boundaries obeying this list will be a test of will for me. I am of the Mind over Matter mindset. I can do anything if I want to badly enough. Not this time though. Here is the list.

X - Vacuuming-NOT ALLOWED
X - Sweeping or Mopping-NOT ALLOWED
X - Carrying laundry across house to washer-NOT ALLOWED
X - Lifting, Bending, Reaching, Driving (no driving for 30-45 days post op)-NOT ALLOWED
X - Lying around the house all day doing nothing-NOT ALLOWED
X - Bending to access oven or empty litter boxes (Who is cooking for Thanksgiving)-NOT ALLOWED
X - Going to Wal-Mart for some bargain shopping-NOT RECOMMENDED
X - Pushing a shopping cart-NOT ALLOWED
X - Sitting for prolonged periods of time i.e. at computer-NOT ALLOWED
X - Opening windows, particularly the hard-to-open ones-NOT ALLOWED
X - Making other people's problems your own-NOT ALLOWED
X - Picking Tomatoes, Weeding, and other such nonsense-NOT ALLOWED
X - Sex-NOT ALLOWED (not until January)
X- Stairs-NOT ALLOWED (for 3 weeks laundry is in the basement means I am not it)

So yes it pretty much going to be a lame ass winter for me. School starts the week before Thanksgiving for me that will fill some of the time. I will be glad to be done and start to figure out my options for next fall. I may take the MCAT sooner than I thought but who knows just need to take it day by day.

OK enough lame stuff. Spiderman lives in my house now. Luke received some very cool stuff for his birthday his 2 favorites are his spiderman outfit and his crane. He has been lifting stuff with the crane for 2 days. Here are some pictures of the boy aka spiderman.

What else is new today.....I am off house confinement because I am feeling better I do still have to stick to the no-sick people rule. So if you are sick please stay away from me. I am also cheating with wearing the stupid mask when I am out in public places. I feel like Micheal Jackson when I have it on and people stare. Rude Fucks. I cannot help that I am sick so quit being rude and making me feel bad for being in public. I need groceries to and it is not like you will get cancer from me breathing on you. It is not contagious. I am very grateful to have awesome friends and family during this time or I would go nuts.
I am thinking about my next 2 tattoos I am pretty sure that they will be both of my wrists on the inside and both tats will be Celtic Knots, I have had a passion for Irish folklore for years and I want the new tats to be something that means something to me. I have decided definitely on one it is the motherhood knot shown below:

There are many variations of the knots but this is one is "A Mothers Love" and being a mom is something very dear to me so to honor my children this is the tattoo I will get on my right wrist. There will also be 3 dots added in the top of the knot to symbolize their lives.
On my left wrist it will be the Celtic Knot of Eternal life which I cannot show you because blogger photo upload is not working now. There was problems earlier to, I actually started this post this am but saved it to finish later.
Ok that is it for today.

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