I survived

Just barely............tell you all about it in the morning. I need a drink, a massage, hot bath and therapy but I will be here tommorrow. I promise.

OH So Pretty!!!

Me likey Me Likey ALot...Makes me want to kiss the monitor......

Oh sorry I forgot I was gonna post. Well come on you know you want to kiss your monitor because the NEW site is so pretty.

I have been pondering changing the look for a few weeks and decided finally that I would. The old page was a little blah and no so much me....this is more my style...love it. I saw this template and I swear to God I could smell the incense and hear the Door's playing in the background. MMMMMMMMMMM LOOOOVVVVEEEE IT!!!


The only shit thing is that I did not save the widget HTML code's so I have spent the last hour either writing code or searching through Flash drives for my widgets & pictures. I cannot find my blog rating HTML stamp so I am kinda wondering WTF it went.


EDIT: I got re rated....I am a naughty girl.

Thank the coffee maker that I have enough caffine to sort through this with out my head spinning around and pulling a Linda Blair----this clip is soooo wrong but so fucking funny. I hate that movie one of the few that scare the shit out of me.


Guess what......

69%

K I will be back later with the Halloween update, I am gonna light some incense, turn on some "People are strange" and relive my youth for a bit. Oh hell I need to add morning music so here ya go a bit of my very well spent youth.


People are Strange-Doors



Love Me Two Times- Doors



Comfortably Numb-Pink Floyd
This is actually my all-time favorite song, I watched the Wall 486 times in a 6 month period when I was living with Traci & Laura. HMMM.....


Peice of my heart-Janis Joplin


My Anthem

Music for your morning

I figure since I am up and fortified with mass amounts of coffee I will throw out some tunes. There have been some interesting events in this house over the past 24 hours...lets just say I am pretty sure the one thing I have wanted for the past 6 months has commenced negotiations. I am a little stunned and a little nervous but know in my heart it is the best for all involved. I am hoping that this will help with my extreme anger towards this person, I have been fortifying the rage with some ass kicking music. I am sure my neighbor will be happy because she has been the one listening to it for the past few months. Going forward into this new stage of my life I have new parts of me to add to the mix like self respect, determination, perseverance, hope and a drive to succeed. I know I can do this. I have to do this. I know some amazing single moms to use as a sounding board and for support. Sometimes you have to be the one to save your own soul from being sucked out, a person can only give so much before there is nothing left so in the essence of that here are the songs for the morning.

In the end-Linkin Park




One Step Closer-Linkin Park
He never could just shut his f**king mouth that is where the anger came in to play.


Rage Against the Machine-Killing in the name of




Wasted-Carrie Underwood
Saying it nicely.

Interesting stuff

Are you aware that SD is the number 4 ranked state for wind power potential? Hmm if you were in the wind business I would put a few bugs in a few ears as SD is planning on building the largest wind farm in the WORLD that is not a typo. It would be a shit deal if BC would miss out on a peice of the pie. Interesting huh? Here is link to the article...here. We have the potential to provide 55% of the US needs for electricity. I am excited to see some more of these beautiful babies in my state.

These pictures were taken outside my moms back door. Funny how no matter where I look when I head her way there are these reminders of how great it is being home in MN.
This was intended to be a edit to my previous post but it got its own spot.

I am in a MOOD today!

I am irritated today so all you are getting is music & pictures today. Just remember as you read this and listen to the music you may have to read bettween the lines or you will miss the meaning.



A little Amy Lee to get this started





Very good song for today, I am feeling it.




This is the song I have had in my head all weekend.







How I am really feeling.....I am a little broken:(





Now we are getting to the pissed off.



This is what is blasting on my home stereo right now!



Yeah guess some people were never taught this lesson.



Turn this up it rocks!!





A little Nelly Furtado to round it all out.



A recent favorite song

Weekend Update!!

I brought my ghouls down to visit grandma for the night and to attend the annual carnival and haunted house the school puts on in Rushmore, MN. Here are some of the pictures from last night. The kids went swimming and had a blast. The girls have made so many friends there it is like kiddie social hour when we show up. I had 3 extra kids for the night, including Ms. Lil's BFF Kensie who refused to go anywhere but with us. Here are Lil, Kensie & Madi

I ended up helping my mom get ready for her big scary bash , it was fun and we all dressed up a bit for the occasion. I got my revenge on my sister for not paying her phone bill. In some of these pictures I am sporting some effing awesome dreads, you are looking at some of my sisters prized hair exstensions. You know the ones that cost bout 200-300 a bag, your are looking at what can be done with a little effort and hair products. Thanks Jamie:) I LOVED the way they turned out I got so many compliments on how sexy the hair was. Makes me want to let my hair grow a few more inches and dread it. Who knows I just might do that. Here are some pictures of all of us hanging out last night.

My Momma & Carrie & me

And here is who I thought should have won the costume contest. White trash and the One Night Stand, very cool ideas the guy even had a little kit for his night of debauchuary. I know some one else that qualifys for both of these and could use a kit.....hmmm...wonder if his wife would make him one?

Have a safe and Happy Halloween!!!

Fred Durst and some music

This is the post that will make all my longterm friends slip into the wood work and not acknowledge they know me....LOL....you all know it is true. I am a bit of a weirdo when it comes to music I love it and have lots. I burn my own cds and I burn for lots of other people. Last week a no name friend was looking through my computer for tracks for a cd and asked me who is Limp Bizkit?



What? "Who is Limp Bizkit?" you are kidding right, we should all know how to get a little "Nookie", we all like things "My Way" and there are days when we all want to "Break Stuff".



Ok well maybe not. But I do. I have been a fan for A LONG LONG time of course they have not had a new cd in years but hell what they did have was good. I have it all sad but true.



In answer I went on to my favorite site for music videos http://www.youtube.com/ and showed said friend some eye candy...oops..videos. I consider Fred Durst some serious eye candy. I know he is short and bald who cares he is HOT. People I know just do not see it, I see it and someday would love to see all of it. Sorry if that offends anyone (more later on that) Every women has one man who makes you all warm inside and do not be fake and say "Oh it's my husband he is the only one" If that is the truth you are missing out cause a fantasy is very nice to have. This is mine, a tattooed skater bad boy.....mmmmmmmmm...............................




So in honor of that I am adding some of their videos today and I found a cool Phunk Junkee video also. If you listen to PJ have your kids leave the room. Just warning ya there are swear words.

This video is very good. It is

Behind Blue Eyes

My Way

Faith


Phunk Junkeezs
They are bad ass!!

The sky is falling!!!

Ok I had to edit a little here but today in SD there was an interesting sight in the sky that was first thought to be a old satalitte falling from outer space but now speculation is that it was a rocket fired from China yesterday….no I am not bullshitting look the story is here.


You know you are seriously in need of a pedicure when your toes nails start to resemble ancient swords. I am not kidding I took my socks off today and was amazed I had to look twice cause my first thought was “Wow that chicks feet look like shit” then I remebered they were mine. Well hell at least it is fall nobody will see them. I can stop shaving and all that other summer crap.

I do have some news my surgery has been rescheduled until Jan 3, because of me having pneumonia for over a month. The risk of me getting it again post op are very high and as we all know coughing with abdominal stitches is not exactly fun. So this means GAME ON for snowboarding if there is snow here if no SD snow I am going to my home state of MN to find some snow. From my lips to Gods ears please let SD have the snowiest Dec in history please!!! I have 4 wheel drive I can make it Great Bear no matter what so come on lets have some snow.

The only downside is I have to do another round of meds including a cycle of Prednisone which I HATE. The damn steroids make me eat the house and I have gained 70lbs in a year from being on them. It is scary to think that now after I have lost 50lbs since June that I may end up looking like the Good Year Blimp again. I know that is vain but I have had to buy new clothes for each size and that gets a bit spendy, but when this is all over I am having a garage sale. I have jeans that range from an 8 all the way to 16 and shirts from size M to XXL. My closet looks like a thrift store.

Well that’s all for me tonight I am going to try and get caught up on some much needed rest. I am planning on watching Disturbia and eating some Chinese food. Have a good night everyoneJ

Music & Maddness

I had every intention of posting last night but I was just not feeling like it and my internet connection was being bitchy yesterday.


Well whats new? Hmmm where to start. I was really excited yesterday when I was able to get little man down for a nap with me that is not a regular occurance. Usually he naps when the girls are just getting home and I am starting dinner. I was loving it sleeping like a rock on the couch snuggled with my boy then the damndest thing happens. One of my daughters friends moms comes knocking and ringing my doorbell and banging on the door. I do what most people do I ignored it and tried to go back to sleep. You will never guess what she did.....she opened the door and walked into my house. I was stunned she walked in yelling "Yoo hoo, Melissa I need to talk to you." Unbelieveable. I got up and was kinda rude because A. I got very little sleep that night B. My hips are hurting C. She woke up little man so I knew my nap was over.


Want to know what her problem was????? She is one of those moms who cannot allow her children to learn how to work out their own problems with other kids. You know the mom who comes to school for the sole purpose of being the heavy and threatening kids who give their little angel a cross look. I cannot stand these mothers....Hello your child will never learn how to be diplomatic, tactful or have any respect because you are always there doing it for him/her. We are not talking about bullying we are talking kid stuff. My goodness these kids are in 2nd, 4th and 5th grade, get over it these little fights are forgotten tommorow. Trust me I know there are no less than 10 kids at my house everyday and during the summer there are double that. I have reffed many an arguement. I do not get involved, this mother was all about telling me her 2nd grader was going to beat up this sweet little 4th grader for being mean. Well I politely listened and showed her the door for one reason SHE WAS NOT TALKING ABOUT ANY OF MY KIDS so WTF did she come wake me up?


Do not want to get involved and then while the kids were at church she called and said "They are on their way to your house" I am confused and asked "Who is" she said "Her parents they want to talk to you" Now I am getting a little pissed because this has nothing to with my kids and as I am I trying to tell her to keep her issues at her house child #2 parents pull in my driveway. Damn round 2. We will just say I was not in good mood after they left.


Here are my latest pictures of all the bonus kids from this week. Got to love the one of the 3 boys they are all the same age but my kid is 3inches taller.



What else....My sister just texted me"Vegas Baby" she is on her way to the airport to go to Vegas for a week. She was planning on spending some time with Keith but he is playing a couple shows in Canada and he flew out yesterday and will not be home until Sun night so it might not work out. I told her just to invite him home for Thanksgiving he will have to meet the rest of the crazies sooner or later unless Jamie tells him we are adopted. LOL,if you live in Canada and are a Buck Cherry fan here is a link to the concerts there.

I will also start teaching 5th grade religion classes wens nights from 7-8. I laugh a bit at this because really do you people know me? Do I seem like I would be a good teacher? Not so much good thing I am pretty creative I will need to get the lesson plan from the lady who I guess is sustituting for me. I hope I can work in a little tye dye or something. We will see how it goes I am nervous. 5th graders are scary.

I am in the mood for a little music today so that is what I will leave you with. Maybe a post later just depends on how I am feeling.

Be prewarned some of the music I like is not for the faint of heart there are naughty (LOL) words in some of it. I LOVE heavy alternative music along with pretty much everything else. My MP3 player has 700 songs and they rang from country to metal. Bipolar MP3 player.

If you have not seen this movie you are missing out it is F'ing AWESOME!!!!






Love this song it is my pissed off song



Huge Korn Fan




Love this song




My song, if you know my husband you know this true.

More Later

I will post something today I promise. It has been a lame day my hips and legs are really bothering me today. It hurts to sit and I cannot lay down cause my hips hurt. It is more like an ache I just cannot get comfy I am going to try something a little stronger than Ibuprofen when Brent gets home from work. I refuse to take anything when it is just me here with the little man he is to fast for me to be drugged up.

I will post later tonight after the kids are in bed, they have RES tonight so it will be a little later bedtime we do not get done until 8:15.

M

As I had mentioned yesterday prayers and good energy is needed for my little friend Alexia her link is on my side bar or on the top of the previous post. This little one is a FIGHTER with a capital F. Her family has been through so much they need some prayers. I have followed Alexia's story for 2 years she was my Pathology 2 final project I got to know her mom Ursula a bit and she is an AMAZING women please send some good wishes and some strong prayers their way.

Love, Cancer & Inspiration

Edit: Prayers are needed for a special friend http://www.caringbridge.org/southamerica/alexia/ Thank You



I sat at my computer last night and thought about how I would word this post for along time then decided to sleep on it before I wrote it. I still do not have the perfect words but I am gonna muddle through it.

As most of my close friends and family know tommorow is my 1 year anniversary of being diagnosed with stage 1 cervical cancer. Which means that when I was diagnosed initially the cancer was still encapsulated within the uterus neck. I have had 9 pap smears in a year, a few colposcopys and the ever fun biopsy and each one has shown a marked changed in the cells present. Which means that the cancer is changing and moving at my last appt I was told the cancer has moved out of the lower 3rd and is infiltrating my other reproductive organs I am now in Stage 2B. I am scared. Even though the type of cancer I have is not very aggresive the thought of it metastasizing (moving) freaks me out. For the past 5 months I have been having some issues with my L kidney also at this point my Drs think that a total hysterectomy will increase my chances of not having the cancer spread any farther. I have had some issues with this whole situation. My very best friend and sister of my soul Jenny almost died from the same type of cancer 3 years ago. I remember how I felt the night she called and told me she had cancer. We cried for hours. Never did I imagine I would make the same call to her 3 years later. She has been here with me every step of the way. From Dr. appt reminders to babysitting me while I drank the pain away. Yes I have drank some of the pain away. Not the physical pain but the mental pain.

Having cancer is not only physically draining but it has a way of sucking every though out of your head except for the big question "Am I going to die" I do not have that answer only God does. Which brings me to a very special person who is battling cervical cancer with the grace and dignity that I myself cannot even fathom. When I found out I was sick I was PISSED and have stayed PISSED for a year. This young lady has put me in my place and showed me that really faith is all you need. Her name is Stephanie Vasofsky a young wife and mother of a beautiful 2 year old girl, who found out this week she only has a few months to live. Her words put having cancer into perspective for me:

It has hit everyone very hard and by much surprise but this fight is FAR from over. I know my days are numbered, as are yours... God knew when He created me in the womb how many days I had. He still know when I will take my last breath here on earth and IMMEDIATELY be in heaven with Him. As a selfish human, I am not ready to go and will contiue to FIGHT FIGHT FIGHT, but when the pain gets to be too much and this body gives out I know where I am going... DO YOU?

I still have trouble finding the words to express how her story has touched me. Last night I watched her on Memphis Fox News and listened to her Dr talk about there are 500,000 women diagnosed with cervical cancer every year and 288,000 of them die. That is more than half. Half do you get that? A one in 2 chance of dying. A one in 2 chance that my kids will not have me here for them. 50/50, glass half full. I do not care how you word it the stats SUCK.

I hope that all of you that read my blog will take a minute and check in on Stephanie and her family maybe watch the news story I have included links for both. I have also added some links for cervical cancer information.

Staging of cervial cancer
Cervical Cancer Treatment
Treatment options by stage

One day left!!

There will be no other post today because I want to leave the video premiere at the top of the page. So please come back tommorow and have a look see at Shaun & the guys new video. It is pretty bad ass, check out the new CD that will be released Oct 23.






Here is a teaser listen to the song Fake It here before you see the video



Thinking of you guys!! RIP Eugene...we miss you:(

Total Randomness

Laundry day !!! Yeah my favorite!!! I have about 5 loads to do and I am committed to finishing them today....no distractions no TV watching no internet......shit....I am already distracted.

I am really not a fan of laundry the amount that the other residents of my house create is ridiculous. The girls are totally tom boys so they end up changing at least 3 times a day. Last week it was mud and frog guts (anatomy lesson & dissection conducted in driveway) when it is nice out it is blood and fish guts (don't ask). It gets to be a little daunting I have tried doing a load a day but somehow this week it got away from me so now I am stuck doing it all day. I do not mind as it is a shitty day here again. I am writing this post chilling in my jammies and my Vans which are doubling as slippers today.

I did get a chance to experiment a bit with my new camera and work on learning how to fade out backgrounds here are some pictures from yesterday. I really like the one of Lillian in the background.

The 2nd and 3rd photo were taken less than a minute apart just a few adjustments and a completely different look.

I did find some graffiti in our little town and took a picture for my site as soon as I get the crop right it is gonna be on my header. Right now when I put it up it comes up as a 8 x 10.

Yesterday my friend Suz was stuck inside all day babysitting for her brother and one of our other neighbors. I walked in her door saw this and walked out and got the camera. She was a bit disgruntled about the day I did however remind her that there are women who are blessed=(retarded) and have that many kids. She was not amused.

I made her a promise that if I used her picture I would put up an equally humiliating ie:camera breaking picture of me. So here I am Au natural (no not naked pervert) without makeup and just hanging out. Oh yes the camera I bought has HUGE ASS syndrome do not pay attention my butt really does not look like that.

Ok enough crap I need to do laundry and of course watch I Love New York 2 on VHI because really it is so educational:)

Making History

Family day with mom and the kids. I have a policy that the kids have to give up one sat a month to spend with me doing educational things. Today's activity was going to the National September 11 Memorial & Museum. It was a very interesting mobile museum and very educational. There was a few items from that day on display. Now I have been to the Titanic museum and have seen the personal items recovered from the ship, it makes you think of the loss off life but there was a different kind of emotion seeing a cell phone, Id badges, twisted metal, steel beams crushed to nothing, fireman equipment and photos.....my God the photos. I remember very clearly that day. I will never forget the terror and disbelief that an attack of that magnitude was actually executed on US soil. Never will I forget. My daughters know what happened that day they understand that a tragedy happened and because of that day America was changed forever. They understand the cost of war first hand, November 6, 2005 their Uncle Joel was killed in Iraq on his 4th tour of duty. They understand that because of that day our lives were forever changed. Today they saw firsthand what that day means to our nation.


The very first picture for this post is a picture of one of the beams that will be in the memorial in New York City at the sight of where the towers went down. We signed that beam, I cried because the feeling was overwhelming. As a parent introducing your children to the horrors of the world is heartbreaking.

I am such a dumb a$$, I caved

Shit you know it is true I paid the damn phone bill, it was pretty much the only way to get ahold of Jamie so basically I paid it to have the luxury of calling her to bitch her out. Also for the past 24 hours the only people I talked to were under the age of 10 I need a bit more mental stimulation than that and no Brent does not count he has the mentality of a 5 year old.

I was so bored yesterday that I found a clip of one of my favorite movies can you guess the movie?

Fake It!!

Um hello did you know Seether has a new record coming out?? This song fucking rocks!! So to be nice I am letting you hear it here.


Edit: The new cd coming out is:

Finding Beauty in Negative Places

Reasons you never share cell contracts with your sister

Wanted



So Jamie you are in number uno position on my shit list today. I relized at noon my phone had not rang in like 3 hours....weird....I know I have way more friends and that damn phone rings all the time. I thought to myself I just paid 240 on it last week I am good. Well not the case because Ms. Jamie has not paid her bill since....drum roll please.....Febuary!! That was 8 months ago, I have been paying my bill on time but now since you have not paid they will not turn my phone on because I am the primary account holder. Good Stuff Sis I am pissed. So since I am not shelling out 7 hundred smackers so you can have service guess I am SOL until you pay your bill. Do not think for a minute I will cave and pay it, I do not have anyone that I will die if I do not talk to for a few days, weeks, months. Im good I know how to use a pay phone and I might even go get a prepay phone from Heather at Unicell but come hell or high water I am not paying your bill. So sugarpie better get a jobby job cause you got bills to pay.





For all my other people trying to reach out and touch me....mmmmmmmmm.....touch me:) You all are shit out of luck. As for my bitches call Brent's phone to chat with me he loves that shit. Remember when my phone broke and it took a week to fix he loved being my suck-re-tary. LOL or email me cause unless the neighbor forgets to pay his bill my wireless is always on.





Melissa

I am awake, I swear

I keep getting a bunch of crap from people because I am not a morning person. Sure mon-fri I get up at the unholy hour of 6am and get my girls off to school. Lies I actually supervise from bed. Good Lord they are in 4th and 2nd grade they know how to get dressed and brush hair and teeth. I get up and make sure they match and are dressed appropriately smell their breath and all that mommy jazz. Here is the problem, a few weeks ago a girl the kids played with all summer moved 2 blocks from our house and now at 7:15am everyday she comes over to walk to school with the girls. School does not start until 8:30 so why are here parents sending her to my house so damn early? I am pretty much no good until at least 9am then the blood actually starts flowing to my brain. Here is the big funny from this am. The girls thought that it would be funny to get up before me and take pictures. Not funny to me but I woke up to Lillian falling on top of me laughing. They took about 20 pictures and I had no clue, I sleep with the MP3 player on at night when Brent is here. Solves 2 problems 1. I do not wake up a hundred times and 2. I do not have to listen to him in the morning. Here I am, yes that lump is me.

We have been pretty low key this week. I am staying home trying to keep from getting sick I noticed yesterday that I had a runny nose and a fever of 99.9 so I am hoping that it goes away soon. I still have another 2 weeks of antibiotics left they should be done the day before surgery. I have the next 2 months planned so tight that there is no room for setbacks. I have to be well enough to cook Thanksgiving for 20 and to be able to kick ass shopping on Black Friday. So once again if you are sick do not come and visit me.

Other than that nothing new to report. I am boring this week it is still raining here been almost a week straight but there is news about that the news said that there is a possibility of snow in the Black Hills this weekend. I am excited if there is enough we may load up the snowmobiles and boards and head up there for a day or 2. In SD you never know it could be 75 one day and the next you have a foot of snow or vise verse. We have not even stored the boat for the winter hell Brent and Bill put Bill's boat in the water on sat and played in the rain on the lake all day. ( I say played they say fished hell tomato tomahto) And here I am mentally unpacking the shop to get the snow toys out. Typical women.

Here are some pictures since I am lazy and want to go back to bed. Hell it is only 8:30....

Kittens need a home...please someone take them. Look how cute and festive they are perfect addition to any family.

Luke's last pair of toddler footie jammies he is huge and just about out of the size 5s.

Playing with the crane in the kitchen can you see I still have no flooring?

The girls playing on the computer in the dining room, see mom the painting came out great so did the one in the living room. You will have to check them out next time you are here.