Thursday, January 10, 2008

Tonight I am sitting here while my family sleeps trying to find some words to write in the guestbook of a young lady that has been in my thoughts for the past few months. I wrote here in October about a young Memphis woman who was diagnosed with cervical cancer and the odds were not very good for her. That sounds so trite and does not even touch what I feel about her outcome or the though of her losing her battle when I have just won mine.

I am so sad for her, sad for her daughter she will never see grow up, sad for her parent & siblings, sad for her friends and all the people who she has touched in her brief life. I am just torn up inside, I cannot even find the words to write in her guestbook so they know they are in my thoughts.

I am usually good with this my friends say I have a knack for having the right words, for Stephanie I do not there is nothing I could write that would actually convey what is in my heart.

I am having trouble with just this post it is hard to type when there are tears in the way I want to say this….never in my life has someone who I have never spoken a word to touched my heart like she has, strength, courage, love and un wavering faith in the Lord during a time when most would have lost faith she is that person most of us look at and think there is no way someone actually has all those qualities but she does. A sense of humor that even now I smile thinking of her prayers for poop and her honesty about her illness and what Gods plan is for her.

In the past weeks her mother has been updating her journal and I honestly believe Stephanie is the person she is because of her momma. I am honored to have been able to read the updates she has written and in them you can feel the strength, courage, love & faith she has, it is soul touching. I do not know this woman but she has touched my soul and given me something…a gift you may say she and Stephanie have brought that glimmer of faith back into my life and made me look at my relationship with God….let’s just say we have not been on a first name bases in about 2 years. I am working on changing that with a little help.

Today I went to read the new journal entry and saw that Stephanie is not doing good………holding on strong but her body is just slowly letting go and I realized I am not ready for her to go. I have learned so much from her in the past 4 months I am not ready for her journey to end……..that is why I cannot find the words to write to say anything and I am not ready to say goodbye.

1 comment:

sterlingirl said...

I'm sorry I didn't see this when you first posted it. The funeral was awesome. TONS of people everywhere. I'll send you a newslink from a local station that aired the night of her funeral. I still think about her alot. I dug out a few pictures, but I can't seem to go through all my things. Such an important time in my life included her.