Explanation.

Let's chat about how shitty my day was yesterday. I am going to do a little soul baring if you cannot take it please come back another day.

I am one of those women that is pretty strong and always there for my family and friends the one huge weakness I have is my husband. He has the ability to make me go fucking crazy in 3.2 seconds. My biggest fear is him messing around on me. This summer we almost ended up getting a divorce and during the 6 months of us flirting with the idea of not being together there were a few things that happened that neither of us are proud about.

Fast forward to now we are in the rebuilding stage and bridges are partially rebuilt (think popsicle sticks here) I look at his phone Wensday night and find a number for a girl that he told me he wanted to date this summer. I instantly get upset sick to my stomach and pissed but I play it off because I should not have looked at his phone. But me being me there was no FUCKING way I was not going to say anything to him.

I held it in and acted sorta normal yesterday before he went to work but obviously not enough cause he left and about half hour later he called to see what was up because he knew I was upset and I straight up told him either he figures out why the fuck he felt he needed the number (just put in his phone monday) or we are done I am not playing the fence sitting game with him. Just not gonna do it. I also told him I was hurt and pissed that he had so little faith in our marriage that he needed to have a back up. He swears he had never called her but I am not so sure I believe him. He gets really jealous about stuff it makes me wonder if I am getting the whole truth.

I love the dumb fucker so it makes it hard for me to just kick his ass out and deal with his shit in my own time. We also just went and closed on our new house today at noon so I am double confused and double pissed. I asked him if being with me is what he wants and he swears I am his world and he would never hurt me but I do not know. I am super pissed that he has made me so insecure that I have to dig through his cell phone because I do not trust him further than I can see him.

I am a fucking paranoid mess and I have no one to blame but myself.


Thanks for the support girls and Tammy I have added you to my IM.