Hello

We went to the appointment with the Cardiologist on Monday as scheduled. The final results are Brent has Cardiomyopathy which is a big word for Heart Failure. It is not at a state where it is serious or life threatening but it is still there. He will have to take Lisinopril and Coreg daily for the next few years and be monitored monthly for awhile. We are both a little scared and unsure of the future but well the Dr said not to worry so we are going to do what he says.

The medications are used for 2 different purposes the Lisinopril dialates the blood vessels and the Coreg makes the heart beat slower and regulates blood pressure mixed together they are supposed to allow his heart to heal and beat stronger. The totally fucked thing is that all of this was caused by a virus....yes you did read that right a virus. We are not sure of what one but it does seem weird that he came down with Influenza B and has been sick for the past 8 days with a fever over 103 at times. I am not sure if that could have caused it but is a possibility.

He was on bed rest this past week and did pretty good except for Thursday when I worked he snuck out of the house and went to work. I guess the manager of Casey's a few blocks from our house told him he was crazy and she was telling on him. I know he regretted it because friday we ended up napping all day and then just watched TV for date night and slept. We are so exciting. I did let him go to work at the casino today and he was missing me and called a hundred times. He works at a casino on Sundays to help a friend who owns it out otherwise she would have to work 7 days a week. It is easy so I figured he could go. He goes back to his regular job monday. We will see how he does.

We are in the countdown for moving now we were going to start Tuesday but I think we are going to wait and move on the 1st of May. The kids will then only have 10 days of school at the new school and I switch to nights on the 15th for the entire summer I will go back to days in August when the kids go back.

I do not look forward to nights but it saves me 300 a week in daycare. If I worked days I would be paying another person 1200 to spend time with the kids and that sucks. I was thinking of doing daycare that was fun but I have found that not many parents want to spend money on making sure their kids are safe all the calls I have gotten have been regarding $$$ and if I would go any cheaper. I figure if the parents are only worried about the money then they can go to the ghetto and find some mom who is cheap and does not give a shit about the kids. I will be taking mine to the water slides and the pools all summer plus making good money still.

The kids are doing good and excited about moving, I am overwhelmed by all the shit that needs to be done prior to us moving but oh well my lovely house awaits.

Sorry this post is like a bad holiday newsletter I hate the newsy posts some do but here I am guilty of doing also oh fucking well......

Melissa

Explanation.

Let's chat about how shitty my day was yesterday. I am going to do a little soul baring if you cannot take it please come back another day.

I am one of those women that is pretty strong and always there for my family and friends the one huge weakness I have is my husband. He has the ability to make me go fucking crazy in 3.2 seconds. My biggest fear is him messing around on me. This summer we almost ended up getting a divorce and during the 6 months of us flirting with the idea of not being together there were a few things that happened that neither of us are proud about.

Fast forward to now we are in the rebuilding stage and bridges are partially rebuilt (think popsicle sticks here) I look at his phone Wensday night and find a number for a girl that he told me he wanted to date this summer. I instantly get upset sick to my stomach and pissed but I play it off because I should not have looked at his phone. But me being me there was no FUCKING way I was not going to say anything to him.

I held it in and acted sorta normal yesterday before he went to work but obviously not enough cause he left and about half hour later he called to see what was up because he knew I was upset and I straight up told him either he figures out why the fuck he felt he needed the number (just put in his phone monday) or we are done I am not playing the fence sitting game with him. Just not gonna do it. I also told him I was hurt and pissed that he had so little faith in our marriage that he needed to have a back up. He swears he had never called her but I am not so sure I believe him. He gets really jealous about stuff it makes me wonder if I am getting the whole truth.

I love the dumb fucker so it makes it hard for me to just kick his ass out and deal with his shit in my own time. We also just went and closed on our new house today at noon so I am double confused and double pissed. I asked him if being with me is what he wants and he swears I am his world and he would never hurt me but I do not know. I am super pissed that he has made me so insecure that I have to dig through his cell phone because I do not trust him further than I can see him.

I am a fucking paranoid mess and I have no one to blame but myself.


Thanks for the support girls and Tammy I have added you to my IM.

devastated

Some times you just don't understand why you should even bother today is one of those days.

I am pooped it had been a weekend that is fo sure.

Lovely little scam my husband and his father pulled on me Easter Sun. I was fully aware that we would be spending Easter with my sexy hubby's dad because of the divorce. No problemo what I was not fully aware of was that I would be cooking the entire meal at his dads house.

The kids and I arrived at 1 to hang out and put toghether the last minute food stuff for dinner at 6 not a big deal what was a big deal was sexy hubby's dad bought 2 Farmland Hams and they were sitting in the fridge still in the packages. OH NO FUCKING WAY....I thought to myself.

I poked through the cupboards and decided a trip to the store was needed so I packed up a kid and off we went. First thing after pulling out of the driveway I called hubby and chewed his ass for their dirty trickery. Second I went and bought a real ham ya know the picnic ones with the bone in.....not the pressed ham product Papa Bear had bought.

Then I went back and put together a fabulous dinner Ham, red garlic mashed potaotes, sweet potatoes, green bean casserole, buns and a black and white bundt cake. Can you say I am fucking fabulous? I can.....

My husband is a dirty bastard tonight. Our children have pushed every button of annoyance I have and I am ready to blow a gasket. He however is sitting at his dads 4 blocks away from our new house drinking beer and bullshitting. I have packed a ton of shit this weekend cause you know I work a shit ton the next few weeks and he spent sat out at the shop hanging out with his buddies drinking beer. Are you seeing the pattern here?

I should be out with my oldest friend drinking vino and celebrating her birthday but nope I am here with the devils spawn. Not fair!!!

But I guess after children mommas lose the fun parts of life and miss friends birthdays.

I call Bullshit on that.

Husband+Closet Space=Disagreement

Allotted closet space how does this actually work?

Is it a 50/50 thing, 60/40 or what? My definition of allotted closet space is I will use as much as I need to. I think that is fair. I have more than he does but here is the division in the closet:

Him-124 items hanging (every fucking t-shirt he can cram in there)
Me-18 items hanging
Him-16 jeans-22 t-shirts folded on shelf
Me-33 jeans-60 t-shirts-snow pants-8 scrub pant-6 sweats (and its laundry day)-on shelf

I also have purses, girly stuff, wife beaters, tanks & belts and scarves in the 18 hanger count.

Hang on I will get to the point here

My husband has been bitching that I am over my “Allotted” closet space….well my response has been “I have a vagina and the words allotted closet space are not in my vocabulary” Very polite I think…so huge blowout about the space issue….I rearrange my stuff to attempt to appease him. Here is the fucked thing after all was said and done guess what his response was? Stumped?

“Where the Fuck did you get all these clothes?”

Ahhh it is true love.