I know I have readers quite a few actually but where is the love? Tell me who you are I share my privates with you time to open up and show me yours:)

EDIT:

Whats up people no one wants me to know who they are? I am feeling a bit used here:(

Thats ok look to your right...got ya:)

Tonight I am sitting here while my family sleeps trying to find some words to write in the guestbook of a young lady that has been in my thoughts for the past few months. I wrote here in October about a young Memphis woman who was diagnosed with cervical cancer and the odds were not very good for her. That sounds so trite and does not even touch what I feel about her outcome or the though of her losing her battle when I have just won mine.

I am so sad for her, sad for her daughter she will never see grow up, sad for her parent & siblings, sad for her friends and all the people who she has touched in her brief life. I am just torn up inside, I cannot even find the words to write in her guestbook so they know they are in my thoughts.

I am usually good with this my friends say I have a knack for having the right words, for Stephanie I do not there is nothing I could write that would actually convey what is in my heart.

I am having trouble with just this post it is hard to type when there are tears in the way I want to say this….never in my life has someone who I have never spoken a word to touched my heart like she has, strength, courage, love and un wavering faith in the Lord during a time when most would have lost faith she is that person most of us look at and think there is no way someone actually has all those qualities but she does. A sense of humor that even now I smile thinking of her prayers for poop and her honesty about her illness and what Gods plan is for her.

In the past weeks her mother has been updating her journal and I honestly believe Stephanie is the person she is because of her momma. I am honored to have been able to read the updates she has written and in them you can feel the strength, courage, love & faith she has, it is soul touching. I do not know this woman but she has touched my soul and given me something…a gift you may say she and Stephanie have brought that glimmer of faith back into my life and made me look at my relationship with God….let’s just say we have not been on a first name bases in about 2 years. I am working on changing that with a little help.

Today I went to read the new journal entry and saw that Stephanie is not doing good………holding on strong but her body is just slowly letting go and I realized I am not ready for her to go. I have learned so much from her in the past 4 months I am not ready for her journey to end……..that is why I cannot find the words to write to say anything and I am not ready to say goodbye.

There are times in our lives where something is so much bigger than us all, here is one of those times.................................Final Post.................A blog entry from an American Soldier who died last thursday but had the forethought to compose his final blog post in advance in the event of his death.

This is a link from Fox News to read the story online.

Moving, touching & heartbreaking.

I am sore and super bloated right now that is why there have been no new posts this weekend. I have been laying on the couch for the past 3 days being taken care of by my boys. Little man and Hubby have been good to me keeping me company and watching TV with me. We have watched the movie 300 2 times I cannot get enough of those fine warriors meow love it. I did get out of the house and went to a movie yesterday Alvin and the Chipmunks which was pretty funny in my drug induced state. This whole weekend is actually a bit blurry the damned Vicoprofen I am taking makes me a bit loopy and sleepy.

I will post a bit more in a few days sorry I am boring but I am recovering slowly but surely and for real I am having some serious pain makes it hard to be funny.

M

Cancer FREE!!!

Can you say it? I am cancer free, for the first time in 1 year 2 months 9 days I can say that.

Tommorow I will wake up for my first cancer free day just saying that makes me want to cry.

The Dr was able to use the co2 laser to get clean margins on all sides and below now we just pray that when I have my 4 week pap there is nothing new growing.

I am home tonight we arrived home about 2, Sue was here with the kids and Traci came out and burned me some movies to watch....I think she needed to be here for herself as much as me I know that sounds funny but my Traci needs to do stuff in situations like this....she even brought me some food including a small Frosty. I went to bed and passed out cold from the pain meds I sleep up until bout half hour ago when the meds started to wear off. Not good...need to stay in front of it.

I have 3 inscions in the belly including a big one in my belly button which is full of dried blood for some reason I bleed alot today. When they removed the IV and taped up my hand I attempted to put on my bra and felt a gush down my back the IV site had a blow out and was seriously pumping out blood like I gashed an artery through the cotton balls, bandages and threw the tissues I grabbed quick to wipe it. Not good.

I will post some more tommorow and I have pictures that the Dr gave Brent to show him why I have so much pain I will scan them in and show'em off. They are pretty an upclose and personal veiw of my interior organs kidneys, bladder, uterous, tubes, ovaries & spine.

Night,

Mel

Well tomorrow is the day I have dreaded/anticipated since Feb, I am finally having the surgery. I am a little nervous and a bit scared of the pain afterwards. I have had ALOT of pain but it seems to me like the surgery pain will be different one I am not used to feeling or dealing with. That makes me a little anxious well alot actually.

I am happy that when I wake up my future will no longer be uncertain, I can start my life again I will be finishing school this year and starting my career as a working mom I have had the title of SAHM/Student for awhile now times are going to change that is for sure.

Say a little prayer for me I will heading in to the hospital at 5am I check in at 5:30 and have to have all labs, EKG and IV's done by 7:30 that is when we start. I am sure I will need a spot of Valium in the am andI will bawl my eyes out(I did last time) and of course there is the last words I utter to my Dr prior to each surgery

"Please don't kill me"

I know no pressure huh....but really please don't I have a life to live and dealing with Cancer has pretty much scared at least 10 years off my life span I do want to enjoy whats left.

So to my blogging buddies, my girl Traci who is stuck in Vegas for a wedding & my other friends and family....please hold I shall return in a few days.

P.S. Do not worry Traci I will be ok no crying when you read this....I miss you have fun and bring me home a damn Coyote Ugly T-shirt or I will beat you.....in 6 months we will take a girl trip to Vegas so find the hot spots I am counting on you.....mwah love you.

Today is my last day before surgery, I will be back later to post I have to pack a bag get my kids ready to be with a sitter. I have to run to pharmacy and get all medications and some post surgical stuff. I am nervous as hell so when I calm down I will give up some funnies.

Love ,

Me